well the feeling of impending doom has arrived... and now it's effecting me psychologyically...
i can't sleep.. it's almost 2am.. and my body is physically tired, but my mind is still racing from the events of earlier today. every time i lie down in bed, my heartbeat speeds up, my breathing rapids and upseting images and words of my piano teach echo through my head. not to mention my stomach suddenly developing a hole and slowly devour me inside out....
i have my last and final piano exam in about 6 weeks, and i am in no shape to achieve a high mark right now. everyone tells me that they know that i'll be able to pull it off if i work my butt off, apparently i have the talent... it's just that i lack the practicing.
i really want to do well on this exam, i have made soo many mistakes with the piano that, i want it to end on a slightly happy note. i'm upset that i have wasted so much time of in my life to do something that i feel now is somthing that i dispise and hate very much. i'm upset that i didn't practice more.. earlier... so i wouldn't be worrying now...
this week was hell week from me so i'm not surprised that my lesson went felt like i was in hell. have 3 exams pratically one after the other... and only getting 4 hrs of sleep these past couple of days isn't the best either.
i go back to my piano teacher on tuseday... and by then she's expecting me to not have anymore mistakes... i have4.5 days, (it's a tuseday evening lesson) to HAVE to turn my life i around..
i'm not really a religous person but since i'm desperate i'm hoping that you are willing to give me strength and pray that i can pull this off... i have faith that i can do it.. *i have to just keep reminding myself that...*
putting this out there is making me feel slightly better.. since it's not completely couped up inside me... but i wish i can just trun back time and make some better decisions.. maybe i wouldn't be in the dumb sitution that i am in now..
may god give me strength....
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