The Pros of being a Daughter

I never realized how lucky I am to be born a girl and not a boy till ... just about now.
Being a good daughter, you're never suppose to mouth off to your parents. I did it once when I was younger... and I got into a lot of trouble.

Today, I was preparing an activity that I was going to use for my summer camp kids. All night, my mom, as been "giving" her "suggestions" on how this activity should be done.... properly. I keep telling her I know... and explaining to her the reasons for doing why I was doing what I was doing. For example, I was telling my mom that I'm going to set up various stations... my mom "suggested" that I scrap the idea of stations, and just do everything all at once. I then proceed to tell my mom that I needed to prolong the activity, so it'll take up the rest of the afternoon. My mom shrugs and continues to question my other procedures.

"Why are you doing that?", "Why don't you do this?", "I don't understand this...", "Have you emailed XXX yet?"
On and on for over 2 hours... in response I would say things like... "please! just have a little faith in me!", "i know what i'm doing."

With my craft supplies covered hands, my mom makes one more request of me, "you know you should send that email to XXX now"... and on the inside.. i'm pissed as hell. Then my dad decides its the right time to ask me, "What on earth are you doing right now?" That, being the straw that breaks my back, caused me lash out with, "JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! GOD!" and i storm down into our basement to clean up the messy tools i've just used. My mom, who thinks that she's got the best people skills chip in with a, "oh, your dad is just curious, why are you so sensitive."

And being the me, who's lost my cool, I yell back, "you've been on my ass all night. PLEASE HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME!"

If I was a boy or if i was any younger, I'm sure I would have gotten an ass whopping. But seeing i'm on adult now... and i think my dad thinks i might be pms-ing... i got away with it.

I count that as a win any day

Ramblings pt3

I really hate talking to you sometimes.

Every single time, you judge neon how I dress, what I buy, what I have, where I put things, my weight, my body figure!
I always feel like crap.

Its like you have nothing good to say to be ever! Why can't you give me compliments?

You make me feel so incompetent sometimes, and I know I'm not.

I'm starting to wonder if my low self-esteem is partly factored by you.

Sunny times

We've been blessed with wonderful weather at home recently.
Today's adventure included sitting in the sun for a couple of hours. Though I don't so anything except sit there, I ended up feeling really tired. Even hours later.

So what I'm trying to say is, warm weather makes me sleepy. Anyone else?

Ramblings Pt 2

I love my family.
I never go against my family when other people are involved.
For you to think that I might, disappoints me greatly.
Do you not trust me?

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Page count book one: page 418

Ramblings Pt 1

I'm starting teachers college in september. I should be happy, since it's what I waned to do. But, honestly speaking, I'm not.

I'm attending a school that wasn't my first choice. This school has a pretty good program, but It's located in a different city, in that I'd have to live away from home. Im not worried about moving away from home as most people would think. But it's the financial burden that has be frustrating.

The cost of tuition is about 6-8 thousand. And since there's no way of living at home, the cost of rent. Transportation, not only to and from home, but to and from placements for in classroom training. This might sound like it's not that bad, but in my case, it might mean factoring the price of a car.

When you have an image/ ideal of how you want something to be... And in reality nothing goes according to plan, the whole world feels like it's falling apart.
People are saying that I should be happy. But I somehow see this as a failure. I applied to 5 schools. I was only able to get one offer, 3 waitlisting and one rejection. I expected a rejection and being wait listed. But I thought that I would have been able to have more options to where to wanted to accept an offer.

I constantly ask myself, what did I do wrong?

I have still yet to hear back from the wait listings. I have till June.

If I like you...

I've come to learn something interesting about myself. I don't like a lot of people.

I sure know a lot of people, yet I don't really like many of them.

If you and I are somehow still communicating, as in you message/ contact me, and I reply asap... Then I like you. And you are obviously doing something wrong ;)

Interestingly enough, this is how my family seems to deal with most people too. So I can definitely claim, it's not my fault.